


Radiant

by safetoshore



Category: GOT7, KARA (Band)
Genre: Genderfluid Character, Multi, Nonbinary Character, Transgender, i wanted happy trans fic so i fucking wrote happy trans fic, idk anything about got7 or kara rip me, nb jackji bffs au, no really, this is really self indulgent tbh, will update tags as needed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-11
Updated: 2015-05-10
Packaged: 2018-03-30 00:20:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3916147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/safetoshore/pseuds/safetoshore
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jackson falls in love with a dress and Youngji's never really cared that much. (nonbinary jackji bffs au bc there is not enough happy noncis fic out there)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Radiant

**Author's Note:**

> i saw jackson in a dress and got excited and perri said 'genderfluid jackson and agender youngji' and i got even more excited so i wrote like a million words.

Jackson looked at the dress in the shop window. It was cute, cornflower blue with a square neckline and an a-line skirt. It was the kind of dress Youngji would look good in. Jackson could see her, laughing as she twirled to show off the dress, her pigtail braids flying. The thought made Jackson a little sad, but he didn’t have time to dwell on it. In the next second, BamBam came bouncing up to Jackson, camera crew trailing behind him. In the whirl of accented Korean and colorful hair Jackson forgot the dress entirely.

It wasn’t until later, when Got7 was back at the dorm, that Jackson remembered the pretty blue. It really would look good on Youngji. On a whim, Jackson decided to buy it for her. He was supposed to film some more Roommate the day after tomorrow. He could buy the dress and give it to her then.

The next day Jackson headed out, saying he was going to get some stuff for filming tomorrow. He didn’t feel the need to hide what he was doing from his group or anything, it was just that the half truth would be easier to tell.

He went back to the store. It was fancy, cute and softly coloured. Posh, was the closest Jackson could get to describe it. The store had cream wallpaper. White shelves and clothes racks held all kinds of products in muted pastel tones. A woman greeted Jackson when he entered with a cordial “Welcome to Bleu. Please ask one of our associates if you are in need of any assistance.”

“Actually,” Jackson started. “I was wondering about the blue dress in the window?”

“Of course, right this way.” The woman led Jackson further into the store to a rack of dresses in various styles, colours and sizes. Jackson picked out the blue dress in a size he thought would fit Youngji and paid.

“Is this for your girlfriend?” The cashier asked as she wrapped the dress in tissue paper and packaged it in a box.

“No, just a friend.” The clerk hummed good naturedly. She handed the box to Jackson with a smile and bid him farewell.

“I hope she likes it!” She called cheerfully after him. Jackson hoped so too, damn thing was expensive.

When Jackson got home he put the box under his bed for safe keeping. Got7 was close and for the most part Jackson trusted them, but he also knew they were nosy bastards.

Jackson woke to a pillow smacking into his face. His alarm was blaring and Mark was standing above him, looking tired and annoyed.

“Wake up and turn your fucking alarm off.” Mark grumbled as he flopped back onto his bed. “Wake the whole fucking dorm up with that quacking but he sleeps right through it.”

Jackson rubbed his eyes and looked at the time. When the numbers glowing on his phone screen registered in his sleep hazy mind he bolted out of bed. He was really late.

Jackson rushed out the door, barely making it to the set in time. The blue dress wrapped in cream paper lay forgotten under his bed.

Jackson forgot to even mention the article of clothing to Youngji. He was rushed right into hair and makeup when he got to set and then it was near non-stop filming the whole day. Jackson didn’t think about the dress again until he got home and realized it was still under his bed.

Jackson took the box out from under his bed and opened it. He folded the paper away carefully and pulled the dress out of the box. It fluttered, the skirt smoothing out and curling into its rounded pleats gently. It was simple, no lace or glitter or fanfare, but Jackson couldn’t help but think it was beautiful.

He wanted to try it on. The more Jackson looked at the dress the more he wanted to wear it. Without thinking he laid the dress back in the box and undressed. Jackson put the dress on and, with a bit of difficulty that resulted from a lack of practice, zipped up the back. It fit him almost perfectly.

“I guess it’s a good thing I didn’t give it to Youngji. It would have been too big on her.” Jackson mumbled as he looked at himself in the mirror that hung on the back of his bedroom door.

The square neckline showed off his collarbones and neck. The cut of the bodice pinched in his waist and the skirt flared out enough to give him hips he didn’t really have. His legs looked long and pretty. He looked pretty.

Jackson grinned. He smoothed down the skirt absentmindedly as he turned this way and that. He looked pretty, almost like a girl. Maybe if he had long hair like Youngji’s it would be more convincing.

“Jackson!” Jackson heard Jinyoung call from the living room. “It’s your turn to shower!”

Jackson jolted. He hastily took off the dress and put it back in the box. He managed to shove the box under his bed a second before Jinyoung threw open the door and poked his head in.

“Jackson-” Jinyoung paused as he took in the scene in front of him. Jackson, in only his underwear, nervously digging under his bed. “Um. Okay. Well, the shower is free. Should I tell BamBam to go ahead and shower first or?”

“No!” Jackson stood quickly. “Hyung this isn’t- I’m not-! I’m gonna go shower.” Jackson grabbed a towel and pushed past Jinyoung.

“...Okay.”

After that, Jackson noticed more and more how pretty dresses were, or how much that skirt would go with his WANG tank top. He started thinking about what he would look like with long hair or brighter makeup.

The more Jackson thought about things, the more questions he had. Eventually he had so many questions he didn’t think there was anything he could do but turn to the internet. So he did.

The results Jackson got in his initial search were… weird. They ranged from forums full of stories to some not so open-minded yahoo answer pages to, eventually, a website about gender.

That site led Jackson to another site and then another. He learned so much new vocabulary and read so many different testimonies his head was spinning. When the words on the screen started doing loops, Jackson decided it was time to take a break.

The room Jackson shared with Mark was dark now and the aforementioned man was asleep in the other bed. Jackson had been so caught up in his research he hadn’t even noticed Mark come in or get ready for bed. Jackson stood and stretched. He cracked his knuckles, a bad habit he was always getting chastised for, and headed into the common area.

The dorm was quiet, the only light came in between the cracks in the blinds from the city outside. Jackson went to the fridge and took out a strawberry milk. He sighed as he sipped at it, leaning against the kitchen counter.

Jackson had learned so much about things he hadn’t even known existed before a few hours ago. He wasn’t a stranger to that ever expanding acronym. In fact he was pretty familiar with the letter B, but gender was different. The thought of being a different gender seemed a bit like the end of the world.

Jackson shook his head. That was an exaggeration. It just- felt like a new weight was on his shoulders. He felt like the titan Atlas; this was Jackson’s sky, and he had to keep it from meeting the earth and crushing him. Knowing the sky was there didn’t bother him, but the thought of other people and their potential criticisms did.

Overdramatic analogies aside, it was kind of a big deal. Not in the soul-crushing-oh-my-god-im-queer way, he had no problem with the idea. It was confusing, and he didn’t know how to tell his bandmates. He didn’t even know if he should tell them, or how they would react. He really cared about his bandmates and the thought of them not accepting part of him hurt and scared him.

All Jackson knew, as he slurped the last drops out of his strawberry milk and threw it in the trash, was that he was genderfluid, and he would take this one step at a time.

 

**Author's Note:**

> this is the first chapter of (probably) many. i've done my best to get opinions and try not to screw this up but please, please, if you read any part of this fic and find a problem with it, tell me. and if you have the patience, explain it to me. i don't want to upset anyone with this fic, i want to make people happy. i want trans fic for kpop fandom without it being sad (although there's nothing wrong with sad fic!) so i wrote this. don't feel like you can't start a dialogue with me because i assure you, you absolutely can. thank you for reading <3


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